The Fat Little Girl

The fat little girl is what I have started calling the "I don't care" mode I sometimes fall into. I'll be following a plan, and seeing some success with it and I just start sabotaging myself for no apparent reason. Its almost like I'm scared of achieving my goals. Stupid, I know, but I don't know why it happens. I guess the fat little girl in me is selfish, lazy and comfortable and wants to stay that way.

I bring this up because the fat little girl went into attack mode this past week. I'd been doing really well at the gym and gotten a little cocky because I wasn't really following a strict diet, or any sort of eating plan at all, really, and I had managed to drop eight pounds. So I just started plowing my way through whatever junk I could get my grubby little hands on. So of course I hop on the scale this morning and its telling me that all eight pounds are back. She also talked me out of going to the gym now, which I'm really regretting since I won't be able to go tomorrow, and probably Friday, as well. I also didn't push myself quite to where I wanted at the gym today. But I went, so I'll give myself that.

The strange thing about sabotaging myself, is I really enjoy eating healthy. When I'm really on a roll, I don't even crave the bad stuff. I keep my sugar levels balanced with fruit and carbs, so I don't have crashes that make me run to the fridge for junk, and I have tons of energy. I sleep better, and just in general feel better. When I'm dumping the junk in my system, I really can feel the difference. I'm sluggish and sleepy. I get headaches from sudden drops in my blood sugar. My tummy gets upset, and on and on.

So I'm definitely going to buckle back down on myself. I'm not going to be a zealot or anything like that, but I've got to stop letting the fat little girl win arguments, otherwise all the ass kicking I do to myself in the gym isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference. Besides, I'm really proud of myself when I accomplish my day to day objectives, which keeps me in plesant moods and makes it much nicer for Grady to be around me! And everyone else!