Fat girls can do it too!

I drug myself out of bed at eight on a Saturday morning to attend a special session my gym was having that they dubbed the "Cardio Party". It was 60 minutes of high impact aerobics and 30 minutes of an ab workout. It was so much fun! And believe it or not, I kept up really well with all the skinny folks in there! I was probably one of the heaviest woment there, if not the heaviest. The owner was one of the ladies running the workout and she said she was really proud of me for haning in there so well. Some of the jumpy moves were a little beyond me, but I stuck to their motto of the work out and "just kept moving"! I got my mom to come along with me, and when she looked close to wanting to give up, I would just give her a good natured picking on by asking her was she really going to let the fat girl run rings around her? :) I'm really proud of both of us for making it! I'm a fairly clutzy person, so the fact that I was getting the little routines down so well was a point of pride for me. It was a lot of fun, maybe I'll start taking more group classes now! See- fat girls CAN kick butt out there!

Hopeful/nervous/scared

I took a test this morning for a position at my local airport to be a TSA screener. You know, those annoying people who run all your carry on bags through the x-ray machine. I felt awesome about the first part of the test, it majorily played to my strengths, and I flew through it. The second part, not so much. I didn't have much hope for it. So much to my surprise, I get home and there's an email with a contingent job offer. Which basically means that they are going to proceed further with the hiring process, not that I definitely have the job yet. Great news.

This morning, about an hour before I have to leave to take the test, my dad calls me and tells me that my stepmom's office is looking to hire someone in their mortgage fulfillment department. Sounds fancy, its basically data entry, which is along the lines of what I've really been looking for. He tells me I need to job on their website and fill out the application immediately, which I just manage to pull off before I had to leave. It got a little nerve wracking there at the end, but I just squeaked by.

Long story short, I return a message from my stepmom when I get home, and she told me that they have gotten the application from HR and they want me to come in and talk to them, and of course I have to do all the drug test stuff, but in her words, she's 99% sure the job is mine.

I want to be excited, and I am, but I'm also keeping my head level, because I've been this close before, only to not get an offer. I feel like I'm practically vibrating with anticipation. I've been out of work for seven months-the longest in my adult life. And of course, since I've been strongly recommended by my stepmom who has a sterling reputation at this company, there's also going to be the pressure to not mess up.

I'm not totally sure how my family actually percieves me, most of the time I think that they think I'm a walking joke who's not taking life seriously, but they've also never seen me at work. I don't care how menial the job I've done is, I've always worked hard and treated it with honesty, hard work, and respect. And I expressed this to my stepmom today. She really touched me, though, when she told me once I get through this and the job is actually mine, she would give me the money I need to go shopping and get a proper, well fitting business wardrobe. Apparently this department is more of the business side of business casual. This is a job my brother actually used to kick off his career at this same company, and he wore ties and jackets or sweaters everyday. And as much as we all hate the superficial-ness of it, a good appearance at work can do nothing but help you further your standing with the company.

Basically, this is the job I've wanted for a long, long time now. Its got normal hours, I can eventually go anywhere I want to from this position with hard work, and its got HEALTH INSURANCE, which I haven't had in probably five or six years at least. I want this so badly it hurts. The rest of this day is probably going to be the longest one in my life!! Which is why the title of this blog is what it is, it is how I am feeling right now. I'm so hopeful that I do indeed have this job, I'm scared its going to fall through, and I'm nervous about the interview tomorrow. I'm also very very excited for this opportunity. I'm also touched by some of the things my stepmom was saying to me, about how I've never really had a job that's given me the opportunity to grow and blossom, and that this is the chance that can make all the difference in my life to open up doors and allow me to come into my own. Yeah, I've been staving off tears all afternoon. I'll have myself a good cry when the job is in my hands.

Ch-ch-changes

I joined a 12 week summer program at my gym they dubbed The Biggest Loser Challenge. I'm on a team with my trainer and 16 other ladies. I'm really looking forward to it for several different reasons. The first being it gets me more personally involved in my work out experience by allowing me to make some friends there. So instead of going in, being in my own little mp3 player world and running back out, I'll actually have people there I know now. These are also people that will provide extra encouragement for those times I have when I'm just "not feeling it". I don't have too many of those, but its nice to have connections. I get a little lonely being at home alone all day, and still being alone when I go out to the gym.

The second reason I'm excited about this is just the plain old spirit of competetion. Competetion brings out the best in me sometimes, and it doesn't hurt that there's a cash prize at the end of this whole thing. Its fun to be a part of something that pushes you while still maintaining a good, positive attitude for all involved.

Another reason is that there are all kinds of special classes and seminars they've arranged just for those of us who are participating. I soak up new knowledge in general, but information about how my body works and uses the foods I give it are especially interesting to me since I've started this journey. The more I learn about it, the more empowered I feel. I feel such a passion for it I've event entertained thoughts about maybe going back to school for nutrition and becoming a dietition or a nutritionist or something along those lines.

I'm just excited to get to participate. After all, like I've said before, until I manage to cajole someone into hiring me, my job is to take care of myself better and get healthy! And its nice to have more support in doing so.