Hopeful/nervous/scared

I took a test this morning for a position at my local airport to be a TSA screener. You know, those annoying people who run all your carry on bags through the x-ray machine. I felt awesome about the first part of the test, it majorily played to my strengths, and I flew through it. The second part, not so much. I didn't have much hope for it. So much to my surprise, I get home and there's an email with a contingent job offer. Which basically means that they are going to proceed further with the hiring process, not that I definitely have the job yet. Great news.

This morning, about an hour before I have to leave to take the test, my dad calls me and tells me that my stepmom's office is looking to hire someone in their mortgage fulfillment department. Sounds fancy, its basically data entry, which is along the lines of what I've really been looking for. He tells me I need to job on their website and fill out the application immediately, which I just manage to pull off before I had to leave. It got a little nerve wracking there at the end, but I just squeaked by.

Long story short, I return a message from my stepmom when I get home, and she told me that they have gotten the application from HR and they want me to come in and talk to them, and of course I have to do all the drug test stuff, but in her words, she's 99% sure the job is mine.

I want to be excited, and I am, but I'm also keeping my head level, because I've been this close before, only to not get an offer. I feel like I'm practically vibrating with anticipation. I've been out of work for seven months-the longest in my adult life. And of course, since I've been strongly recommended by my stepmom who has a sterling reputation at this company, there's also going to be the pressure to not mess up.

I'm not totally sure how my family actually percieves me, most of the time I think that they think I'm a walking joke who's not taking life seriously, but they've also never seen me at work. I don't care how menial the job I've done is, I've always worked hard and treated it with honesty, hard work, and respect. And I expressed this to my stepmom today. She really touched me, though, when she told me once I get through this and the job is actually mine, she would give me the money I need to go shopping and get a proper, well fitting business wardrobe. Apparently this department is more of the business side of business casual. This is a job my brother actually used to kick off his career at this same company, and he wore ties and jackets or sweaters everyday. And as much as we all hate the superficial-ness of it, a good appearance at work can do nothing but help you further your standing with the company.

Basically, this is the job I've wanted for a long, long time now. Its got normal hours, I can eventually go anywhere I want to from this position with hard work, and its got HEALTH INSURANCE, which I haven't had in probably five or six years at least. I want this so badly it hurts. The rest of this day is probably going to be the longest one in my life!! Which is why the title of this blog is what it is, it is how I am feeling right now. I'm so hopeful that I do indeed have this job, I'm scared its going to fall through, and I'm nervous about the interview tomorrow. I'm also very very excited for this opportunity. I'm also touched by some of the things my stepmom was saying to me, about how I've never really had a job that's given me the opportunity to grow and blossom, and that this is the chance that can make all the difference in my life to open up doors and allow me to come into my own. Yeah, I've been staving off tears all afternoon. I'll have myself a good cry when the job is in my hands.